If You Go
by SlvrSoleAlchmst1
Summary: [SHOUNEN AI: Hisoka x Tsuzuki. Oneshot] Tsuzuki again is lost in darkness, self destructive thoughts haunting his fearful mind, but there is one boy who desperately wants him to stay, if only for his sake alone.


Hisoka tightened his vise-like grip on the rumpled sheets, pleasure shooting through his narrow frame, delicious and daring at the same time. He had never expected any sort of mad passion like this to engulf him so easily — or so quickly. He'd thought he had better control. The notion was suddenly pushed aside with the arrival of another luscious thrust from the amethyst-eyed man above him.

He let out a soft noise of consent, and Tsuzuki leaned in until a wisp of his fine hair brushed his partner's cheek. The elder Guardian's breathing came quick and heavy, weighted by the deep lust it bore. With a slow, seductive flair, he planted a hot kiss on the side of the younger boy's neck, grinning as he felt the youth shiver in satisfaction beneath him. He worked his way upward, catching Hisoka's parted lips in a tight lock and claiming the boy's tongue with his own, much to the blonde's delight.

"Tsuzuki," the younger boy panted when they broke for air, "Don't stop."

The brunette ran a hand over his chest and lightly across his cheek, allowing his fingers to sift through his partner's pale hair. "What's wrong?" he teased, temporarily halting their engagement, "Still haven't had enough?"

Hisoka reached up to draw Tsuzuki to him, unable to answer. He wanted more. What he had already received was not nearly enough. Not when the person in the bed with him was someone he cared about so much, yearned for so strongly. As Tsuzuki relented and resumed his irresistible routine, Hisoka's mind flashed back to earlier that evening.

The bright-eyed Guardian had been cowering in his room, alone in the dark, when Hisoka had found him. The sight of the powerful man curled up protectively on the floor, in shambles, had made his blood boil.

"Idiot," Hisoka had spoken sharply, alerting the other to his presence with a jolt. "If you keep moping like this, we'll never get anywhere."

Tsuzuki glanced up at him, the shimmer of tears apparent as he responded in a low undertone. "More people were hurt because of me," he choked out. "Maybe Muraki was right all along. Maybe I'm _not_ human. Maybe my existence here is worthless. Muraki told me—"

"Muraki, Muraki!" Hisoka had almost shouted, balling his hands into fists, "Are you going to listen to everything he says? Get a hold of yourself! I'm tired of seeing you like this. You used to be so strong. You used to never be this way. What is it that makes you want to give up so easily? And don't you dare tell me it's because of that twisted fool of a man Muraki."

Tsuzuki had looked up at him then, his deep purple eyes pleading with him to listen. Hisoka felt his knees go weak, but he tore his gaze away and folded his arms ruthlessly across his chest, resuming his torrent of hurtful words.

"We're going to get him," he growled, stalking across the room and fixing his piercing emerald stare out the window. "I still intend to go on. If you want to stay here and die, that's fine with me. I don't care anymore."

Tsuzuki unfolded his long legs and rose from the rug, collapsing instead into a nearby chair. When he didn't answer, Hisoka whirled in alarm, fearing he had been too harsh. It was then he discovered his partner had a tiny grin on his face.

"Tsuzu…ki."

"You're always so mean to me, 'Soka," he murmured childishly, but the tears had dissipated. "But you've changed a lot, too."

"Don't be ridiculous," Hisoka spat, turning back to the window, an almost undetectable flush creeping its way onto his cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You didn't trust anyone. I guess as long as you tell me some things and share your burden, it's worth me staying a while longer just to see you happy." The fondness in his voice when he spoke the words sent a tingling sensation down the younger boy's spine.

"That's right," he'd said, almost failing to believe the words leaving his own mouth, "I trust you. And that is why you have to pick yourself up and move forward. If you think I'm going to let you throw everything away…"

The look in the elder Guardian's eyes hardened. "Don't push this so far, Hisoka. I know when it's time for me to throw in the towel and give up." His voice trembled, much to the blonde's dismay, but instead of attempting to comfort him, the young boy exploded.

"Just shut up! If you leave," he stormed his way across the confined space until his was nose to nose with his adversary, "If you go, what will the rest of us do? What about Tatsumi and Watari, and the others? Damn it, what will _I_ do?" The other man was avoiding his gaze. "Tsuzuki, answer me!"

"You're so selfish, Hisoka, wanting me to stay for your sake. No one else needs me anymore. I've repented enough; it's time I allowed myself to rest." There was a haunting finality in his tone.

Tsuzuki lifted himself wearily from his seat and began to make his way to the door, but Hisoka sprung ahead of him, and before either of them knew what was happening, the pale youth had thrown his partner against the wall in a rage. He held him there by the shoulders, their faces inches apart. Then the fury seemed to seep out of him, and he sagged against the other man's chest, burying his head on his shoulder as he struggled to fight back his feelings.

"If you go," he threatened, "Then… I…"

He felt Tsuzuki tense, and the Guardian's amethyst eyes widened in shock. "Hisoka…"

"You call me selfish, yet, you're the one who…" the anger came back, even stronger than before, and the young boy kept his partner pinned firmly to the wall as he caught the tall man's lips and united them with his own in one satisfying sweep. He heard Tsuzuki gasp when he released him.

"I can't let you go," he whispered, wrapping his arms around his adversary's muscled frame. "Do you understand?"

After that it had happened faster than Hisoka had ever believed possible. The two of them had fallen hungrily onto the bed, as if they hadn't one precious second to lose. It hadn't occurred to Hisoka that he wanted Tsuzuki to stay so badly until that one enlightening moment, there in that room, with the lights off. As their lips met for the second time, it had seemed a flood of lust and passion had descended upon him in one tantalizing rush, with the two of them engulfed in darkness. And it became clear to him. The flutters he'd felt when he saw Tsuzuki smile. The hot burning that tainted his cheeks when the elder man winked at him, or brushed against him, or met his gaze. And he was glad that the night still stretched ahead of them, leaving many long hours until daylight.

He was returned to the present as Tsuzuki ran his tongue teasingly down his chest and stomach, finally halting at his hips, where he drew a delighted stir from Hisoka as he let loose a barrage of steamy kisses. The blonde ached with desire, longing for another luscious touch, another swift movement that would take him into a realm of satisfaction far beyond anything he'd foreseen. Just when it seemed he would burst with the heat of his craving, Tsuzuki mercifully shifted once more, pressing his hips against those of the younger boy and taking his lips, working him into a state of complete seduction, tempting him yet again until he cried out and gripped the bedding harder.

Their bodies slick with sweat, they moved as one entity, gasping and moaning their insatiable lust, testing each other's limits until Hisoka couldn't take anymore. He felt as if he'd explode. His back arched gracefully, and he let out a heavy thrust that carried every bit of his desire and every bit of himself, until the two of them lay breathless and panting.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki spoke gruffly into his ear, and the sound of the elder man's voice so close to him made the blonde youth want him all over again.

"What is it?"

"Thank you."

Hisoka lifted himself up and rolled over, trapping his partner's lean form beneath him and kissing him lightly, tentatively. "Just stay with me a bit longer."


End file.
